Marriage and Human Life

No Divorce – By Fr. Collins Akhigbe, OP 3rd March 2025 “What God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mk. 10:9). In today’s gospel reading, the Lord made it clear that divorce is not the will of God. Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery (Mk. 10:11-12).   These are strong declarations from the Lord himself. The Master is simply saying, no divorce. The Catholic Church has held on to this position to the point of being crucified for being too rigid. People should know that it is not just the position of the Church; it is the teaching of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Saviour. The duty of the Church is to faithfully interpret the teaching of Christ. The Church has no power to adjust or change the authentic teaching of Jesus Christ. This is why the Catholic Church has refused to follow the current secular teachings on marriage. The world should learn from the teaching of Christ and of his Church in order to do the will of God. In this reflection, we shall highlight why there is no room for divorce and how to preventthe  dissolution of marriage and divorce.   Why There Is No Divorce   First, marriage is a divine institution ordained by God for the well-being of the couples and human society. It is not good for a man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). The Lord gave man a suitable helpmate to journey with him till death.   Second, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman with God at the center. It is not just a covenant, it is a sacrament of the Church. It has a permanent bond that binds the couple together. It is indissoluble. What God has joined together, no human being must separate (Mk. 10:9).   Third, there is no divorce because it is contrary to the will of God. Whatever is contrary to the will of God is sin. To do anything against the plan of God is to sin against God (Mk. 10:5-8). By virtue of the bond of marriage, the man and the woman are now one (Mk. 10:8).   How To Avoid Divorce   First, spouses should keep the vows they made to each other. I, John, take you, Agnes, to be my lawfully wedded wife, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better for worse, till death do us part. This is a promise of unconditional love. If husbands and wives keep to this promise, divorce will never surface.   Second, mutual respect for each other is critical in sustaining a healthy marriage that can withstand any weather. Where there is no respect, the marriage is in trouble and heading towards divorce. The scripture says that the husband and wife should give way to one another (Eph. 5:21).   Third, they must be willing to make sacrifices for each other. Marriage strives better and stronger where there is the spirit of selflessness and dedication. The more couples are willing to make sacrifices for one another, the more the marriage is stabilized. Where there is selfishness and pride, the marriage is on an express road to divorce.   Fourth, constant communication and dialogue amongst the couples. There should be openness and regular conversation about the family. Where there is openness of hearts and constant discussion, the marriage will become vibrant and strong.   Fifth, sincerity of purpose is a powerful tool that can save a family from divorce. When both parties are sincere towards one another, it will lead to trust and confidence. Where there is trust, there is stability. Lack of trust is capable of killing any marriage. In such a situation, if the marriage does not heal, it will become a wounded family.   Sixth, walking in fear of God is a big antidote against divorce. Where there is fear of God, there is goodness, kindness, peace, love, understanding and happiness. The more the couple dwells in the love of God, the more they stabilize their marriage.   Seventh, forgiveness and reconciliation are essential in savinga  marriage from divorce. Since there is no perfect man or woman, couples are bound to offend one another. The call to forgive one another is indispensable for a good and healthy marriage. It can save the couple from divorce. The Master told us to forgive one another (Mt. 18:21-34). These are some of the ways we can save couples from divorce.   Prayers   Lord, help us to love you above all things. Lord, help us to overcome pride and arrogance. Lord, give us the spirit of understanding and sacrifice. Lord, help us to overlook faults and shortcomings. Lord, please, sustain us till the very end. Amen. I wish you a beautiful day. With lots of prayers and love.

Balancing Motherhood and Self 8th December 2025 Women have been getting mixed messages about the shoulds and should n’ts of motherhood. What this has succeeded in doing is… Women to work or not to work or be supermoms Making moms feel guilty about being stay-at-home moms or Feel guilty for being working moms. Causing self-conscious embarrassment, if they aren’t pursuing a career outside the home and self-doubt for pursuing a lifetime career outside the home. Get the message? You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. And that is precisely how a large number of younger moms feel.   We all know the history lesson here. Before the 1960s, Moms stayed at home. The working woman was the deviant. Now that anything goes, the natural conflict of mothers’ needs and children’s needs should be addressed. Only then can the weight of stress and guilt building on motherhood’s “shoulds and should n’ts” be thrown off.   FINDING A BALANCE : The Conflict of Motherhood and Self   The scientific findings of researchers may shed new light on the topic. Key among these findings are… The happiest women are the busiest women. Those moms who are the most harried do not have a negative feeling about motherhood.   The choice to stay at home can mean a loss of self, believes Sally Placksin, author of Mothering the New Mother (Newmarket Press, 1994). In order to avoid that loss, women have created networks, support groups, and publications to reassure them that it is okay to stay home.   Children in households with working mothers did not have more problems than in households with stay-at-home moms.   More important to a child’s overall sense of happiness is whether or not her mother is happy and satisfied with her lifestyle, whether this meant she stayed at home or worked.   To all moms out there, do what is best for you to keep yourself happy and your family happy, too. It could be a job, a stay-at-home mom, or a self-employed mom.

Schools As Agents of Socialization 22th November 2024 One very important agent of childhood socialization is the school. Of course, the official purpose of school is to transfer subject knowledge and teach life skills, such as following directions and meeting deadlines. But, students don’t just learn from the academic curriculum prepared by teachers and school administrators. In school, we also learn social skills through our interactions with teachers, staff, and other students. For example, we learn the importance of obeying authority and that to be successful, we must learn to be quiet, to wait, and sometimes to act interested even when we’re not. Peers are extremely important when it comes to socialization. In adolescence, peers take on an importance that can outweigh any other single influence. Peer pressure, whether overt or subtle, has a powerful effect. Peer pressure can be negative (e.g., encouraging a teenager to smoke) or positive (e.g., getting on the all-A honour roll at school). Mass media is a powerful socializing agent today, more than ever before due to its ubiquity. There are messages that we receive from the media without being aware that we are integrating those messages into our psychic (e.g., males should be aggressive, females should dress revealingly, etc.) we should endeavour to filter what we inject into our psychic.

What Steals Our Joy as 21st Century Singles?​ 20th October 2024 Waiting can be difficult because it is the season of life when we feel pressured on all sides and the truth about waiting is that, it is the season of self-discovery. In Psalms 37: 7 David writes, “Be still before the lord, fret not yourself over the man who frets in his ways, over the man who carries out evil devices”. Life in the gap can be hard my dear singles. When our eyes are fixed around us we see what is not happening in our lives right now. It can be discouraging. But a deeper look at the reason for our worry shows that certain patterns make the waiting season even harder. Let’s consider these factors that are standing against our peace and joy as singles in the 21st century.   Unrealistic expectations: One of the greatest reasons we sense disappointment and discomfort in our waiting season is our unrealistic expectations. Instead of fixing our eyes on Jesus, we fix our hope on our dreams, education, skills and desires. We make our goals the measure of our happiness. We refuse to find happiness until we find the dream job, a wife, a husband; we refuse to find joy until we get so much money in our bank accounts. But all of these dreams may not come at our timing. In Psalm 62:1 we are reminded that our expectations should rest in God alone. He alone is our hope and our joy. If you are constantly disappointed as a Christian, could it be that you have developed some unrealistic and perhaps ungodly expectations? Why don’t you let go and let God?   Unfair comparisons: Nothing sends you to an early grave like comparing your life to someone else. We often forget that when we look at someone’s story we might be comparing the middle of our story to the end of theirs. If you find yourself bored or worried in your waiting season, resist the temptation to look at what everyone else is doing and fix your eyes on God’s promises. For comparison is the thief of joy.   Unrealistic desires: Waiting is about gaining control of our life’s outcomes. The struggle is usually between our desires for ourselves and God’s will for us. Until we learn to yield all of our desires to God and totally trust his goodness to provide what we need and when we need it, we will continue to find the waiting season difficult. The good news is that once we surrender our desires on the altar; we will surely find peace and freedom.   Unnoticed blessings: Gratitude is the attitude that makes life worth living. If you are finding yourself frustrated in your waiting season, it might be that you haven’t noticed your blessings. They are things we take for granted such as the rising sun, the oxygen, our health, our daily providence etc. Let us remain thankful for answers to our daily prayers and divine appointments. Finally, in Isaiah 30:15 God promises that in returning and rest we will be saved, in quietness and in trust will be our strength. Finding joy and peace in the waiting starts when we choose to rest in the lord no matter what comes our way.   Shalom!